Playground rules for Marbella mums
I know I need to get out more because I’m beginning to enjoy going to collect my children from school just to see what some of the mums are wearing.
My school playground rules for mums.
Don’t wear an all in one satin trouser suit with a long fringed bag and a bowler hat with the elastic tied under your chin. ( Yes a mum really did wear that yesterday in the school playground.) The bag I thought was a dead hairy animal at first and then I was disappointed that she didn’t start juggling or appear with a horse….
Don’t wear black shiny shoes with enormous high heels and with straps that come up to just under your knees with anything made of lycra. Alternatively don’t wear those shoes at all. Unless you are a Puerto Banus hooker.
If you are a double D cup or larger and don’t have Moulding Clinic gravity defying breasts please wear a bra. Our husbands get way too excited when they see this in the playground and then we have to do our best to calm them down…..
Please avoid the use of “darling”, “darlink”, and “darleen.”
If you are over 40 then give up hot pants.
Your mantra must be ” I am a mum not a Z listed Hollywood actress, I am a mum not a Z listed Hollywood actress.” It may stop you from putting on those over the knee socks.
Do take your Tod hobo bag into the school playground. Do leave it lying around……
Do go easy with those tops you wear that contain sequins and rhinestones. You sometimes look like Neil Diamond.
Do go easy with those oversized sunglasses that contain sequins and rhinestones. You sometimes look like Dame Edna.
Do go easy with those see through tops, plunging necklines and remember that skirts are supposed to have a hemline. If your skirt doesn’t have a hemline, then you probably aren’t wearing one.
Anyone else have some playground rules to add?
Comments
2 Comments on Playground rules for Marbella mums
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Nicky on
Wed, 30th Sep 2009 11:02 am
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admin on
Wed, 30th Sep 2009 11:19 am
Don’t be intimidated by them. You know they all go home and throw on their tracksuit and watch daytime TV til approx. 2 hours before they have to pick up the kids again when they start to put all the slap and outfit back on!
I would love to have seen a picture of the bowler hat wearing mom. Sounds ridiculous although I have been harbouring a secret desire for the bowler hat to come back into fashion again (on men) and think David Beckham is without a shadow of a doubt the man for the job!
Apart from that, you need to change schools love coz there’s none of that at my school.
If I can figure out how to morph my telephone into a camera will go armed and in disguise today to school……and show you the proof of Bowler Hat Lady and friends……
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